The tenth best way to tell when you're
lost (OK, our top ten list is actually a list of twelve): You discover that your
navigator's been holding the map upside-down. (Oh, you mean California goes on the left?").
This means you should have done a half-overpass to the left at Cincinnati instead
of that pirouette in Columbus.
11. It seemed like a good idea to
follow that other horse trailer ... but now that you
can see it has three llamas and a pig in
it, you're not so sure.
10. Those Rand-McNally map people
are practical jokers. Obviously, you can't
believe anything they say.
9. Strangely, all the Canadian
Customs officers seem to be wearing Mexican
Border Guard uniforms today.
8. Look! A trail of breadcrumbs!
What do you think it means?
7. When you pull up at the gate
for directions to your stabling, an acolyte hands
you a white robe, asks for all your worldly possessions,
and directs you to the
New Sinners Barracks.
6. "Quien es esta
strange mujer con uno caballo aqui?"
5. You don't want to admit
that you have been driving in circles, but centrifugal
force has pinned your pony to the side of the van.
4. Never again will you think of
the Atlantic Ocean as "just another water hazard."
3. You suddenly remember that
the lady who gave you directions is the same
woman who always rides her courses backwards.
2. What you thought was a little
map on the last page of the show bill turns out
to be a stain from where two chocolate-covered pretzels
melted on the paper.
And the best way to know you're lost:
If Route 94 got you there in the first
place, Route 49 should get you home, right?
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